SAW 2010

When I was a little girl, I spent eight glorious days every summer at camp.  We slept in tents, swam in the lake, wandered the woods, and made masterpieces for our mothers.  We learned how to identify trees and bird songs, we took archery and canoe lessons, and every night there would be a huge bonfire where the counselors and staff would entertain us with stories and music.  Those memories are etched on my heart and, if there was ever a thing I wanted to go back and do over in my life, summer camp was it.

I first read about SAW in the Summer of 2008 and I knew immediately that it would be something special (they basically had me at the words “camp” and “art classes”).  At the time, it seemed a little presumptuous for someone like me to attend an “artist’s” retreat, but the more I read about the experience of SAW, the more I began to dream about the possibility of going there myself.  By the time registration rolled around, I’d begun to entertain the idea that maybe “art” is nothing more than the act of “creating” with the same kind of fearlessness I felt all those years ago at camp when I jumped off the end of the dock to prove I could swim for canoe lessons (didn’t go well).  Going to SAW in 2009 was a leap of faith that DID work out.  Infinitely well.

I made up my mind to go back almost before I’d even left last year but struggled some in the days leading up to SAW 2010 with wondering whether I really should return – would it live up to my experience of last year, had I done enough to claim my “artist” stripes, will my old fear gremlins prevent me from communicating and connecting with my fellow “campers” in the way I hoped?  In the end, I chose yet again to just go on faith.

So, was it perfect?  No.  I had moments of intense insecurity, like when I got to Susannah’s class and realized almost everyone was more experienced than me; there were people I would have loved to connect more deeply with, but I couldn’t seem to make even the smallest bits of conversation necessary to do so; and I’m almost certain I snored (soooo hoping Mary was a sound sleeper).

Even so, there was an amazing magic in it – not unicorns or fairy dust, but a gentle sort of stretching and healing that comes from falling asleep under heavy covers; waking with the sun;  roaring fires to take the chill away; walking that long, rocky path to breakfast, lunch and dinner every day; the scent of moss and burning wood; learning from the most amazing teachers ever…

Mary Beth Shaw

Susannah Conway

Flora Bowley

And sharing space with the most amazing cabin mates ever…

So, here’s what I take with me back into the “real” world…

• You can’t repeat experiences – each new experience has to stand on its own, evolve into its very own sort of golden memory; and every experience comes alive when we choose to see it with beginner’s eyes.
• Don’t compare – just be yourself, know what you know, and rest in the opportunity to learn.
• You can’t be alone in a crowd of people unless you CHOOSE to be alone in a crowd of people.
• Hugs are contagious – offer one and you’ll get at least one in return.
• Share your truth with like-minded people and they will welcome you and share their own.
• Say “yes please” when offered a personal challenge!
• When you find yourself turning inward or feeling fearful, notice it, stop it and reach out instead.
• And, last but in no way least, sand buckets are for emergencies (who knew?!)

Once again, SAW pulled me out of my comfortable box, gently pushed me to try some new things, meet some new people, and share bits of myself that I tend to keep hidden.  I realized at one point that the not-so-perfect parts I experienced at SAW, and those I experience in my life overall, are largely my own doing – the result of letting fears contain me.  SAW allows me to nurture my inner artist, while also exercising my courage muscle – and I wouldn’t trade that for a million summer camp do-overs!