Techno Toys

I splurged on a new toy yesterday.  It wasn’t my fault really – I ran by Sam’s Club Tuesday for a couple of things and there they were!  A taller-than-me stack of Canon T2i camera bundles.  I walked away without one Tuesday, but it haunted me all night and, when I realized one of the items I purchased had to be returned, I think it was all over.  It must have been kismet though, because I ran into someone on my way out who wanted to buy my old XTi – she came by today to got it!  Can’t hardly beat that!!  I see a nature trip in my very near future (not to mention some serious product photos for that fabled Etsy store a’mine)!

Today, I finished reorganizing the studio – pulled a piece of furniture from another room (a small, glass-doored cabinet my grandfather made me many years ago) and filled it with all things colorful.  Totally IN LOVE with it!

Also added some inexpensive closet storage pieces that fit almost perfectly under my windowsill (can’t stand anything that covers all that luscious light).

Beyond that, I’ve been cleaning out drawers and clearing away the MANY little to-go packs of ephemera I’ve made over the years… the ones you make when you’re going to a class and they say, “bring little bits and pieces to use in your collage.”  Well, every time I get back from one of those, the little folder or box or whatever full of little pieces has gone into a stack and oh what a holy mess I had!!  But, it’s all tidy now and I even finished last year’s travel journal – will try to share soon (plus the full enchilada in my flickr gallery).

Next on my list is those elusive product photos, but I did some test shots and am MUCH pleased.  Etsy – here I come!!!

Wanderer

I just spent two of the HAPPIEST days playing in paint and paper and gel medium with this most amazing of teachers… so full of knowledge (which she shares most freely) and so very down to earth about who she is and what she has to offer.  I was a little star struck for about five minutes, then it felt as though she were my next door neighbor come to play.  And, oh my, what fun we all had!!

I’ve taken a TON of classes now… both online and in person… and the one thing I find over and over is that the superbest  of stars (Judy Wise, Sarah Ahearn, Donna Downey, Sabrina Ward Harrison) are mostly just like you and me… trying to do something that provides a means of making ends meet and allows them to feel content and complete in themselves and the world around them.  I think one of the things that draws me so much this type of learning (with its heavy emphasis on ART CLASSES) is that I’m continually searching for the formula that would make my life work in the way I want for myself.  It’s not that I really want to be famous and I’m fairly certain my art will not leave any lasting legacy for humanity, there’s just something about the community that seems to gather for this type of work that somehow feels like home.

For now, I’m content to continue seeking – trying on different art styles, learning from different teachers; but, I’m starting to recognize the danger in spending so much time seeking that I have no time left over for actually doing or of being so heavily influenced by superstar teachers that I’m not sure who I even am as an artist.  As a wanderer, it can be easy to get lost altogether.

After my first two weeks of retirement, the one thing I’m certain of is that I’m not ready to do nothing.  I’m not sure yet how my own special skills fit into the bigger plan, but I know art has a role to play.  Somehow.

The thing I have to remember, as a seeker/wanderer, is to take time to look on my own doorstep, to remember that the answer I seek is likely one I will find (eventually) right here at home.

Just Begin

I’ve thought alot over the last couple of months about how I’ll craft my days.  Should I get up early and exercise, do yoga, eat a healthy breakfast, blog, create, meditate?  Or should I sleep in and let the day unfold?  I’ve considered writing out a schedule and carefully planning each day – scheduling chores and creative tasks so they’re spread perfectly evenly across a reasonable set of working hours.

I had this idea to get up early today and photograph my first free sunrise.  At 7am this morning, part of me was inclined to just stay in bed, but my adventurous side won and by 7:30am I was out chasing the sun.  It felt a little like ditching (not that I ever did that ) – there I was toodling along the lake road, looking down on the traffic below rushing to get to work or school or wherever, while I casually searched for the best view of the sun.

My horoscope for this week says I should work on challenging barriers, look for “a breakthrough that once seemed crazy difficult or beyond [my] capacity.”  I’m not sure where that might take me, but I’m ready for it.  Ready to throw out the schedules and the “normal” course I might follow and do the complete opposite… to stretch my boundaries and do extraordinary things.

Dream Messages

I woke this morning with the vivid memory of a dream. That happens pretty rarely these days, so I decided to take notice by writing it out here.

I was standing before a mirror, surrounded by various items of clothing, trying things on to see what would fit and make me happy. I realized I was taking quite a long time and there was some unknown group of people waiting for me, but I continued trying and abandoning pieces in an increasing frenzy. I finally found a top and bottom that I liked… soft cashmere-like, in beautiful sunrise colors, but as the garments settled on by body, I noticed both still had the security tags attached, leaving ugly, uncomfortable lumps. I stripped them off in frustration and stormed out of the room to join my group – dressed only in a bra and panties.

When I got there, nobody seemed to notice what I was wearing (or, more to the point, NOT wearing) and when I apologized for my tardiness, someone who looked alot like an old boss said, “no worries we were just waiting to play the game of Life with you.”

And then, of course, I woke up and have been thinking about the dream’s messages ever since… the idea of frantically trying things on to see what might fit (jobs, dreams, hobbies, beliefs?); the worry about what others might think, only to find they weren’t thinking at all (and especially weren’t judging); the realization that I, without any pretense or costuming or anything, was all that was needed to play the game of Life; and the players themselves – the people who filled that room included family members, mentors and friends who I sense care about me – people who have known all along what was in me and were just waiting patiently for me to figure it out for myself.

I sense the message is at least partly about where I’m headed (not to mention a mirror of where I’ve been). It didn’t exactly give me a roadmap or a step-by-step to do list, but it sure did suggest some pretty strong clues… don’t try so hard, honor the journey, go with the flow, you’re doing better than you think.

Happy New Year!!!

I’ve noticed alot of 2011 year-in-review posts around the internet and considered putting one together to share with you today, but to be honest, I’m sort of inclined to just move past 2011 and forward into whatever comes next.

The past year has been sort of a year of holding for me – holding onto unwanted pounds, holding on as I looked forward to the freedom of retirement, holding onto old wounds, not to mention an old illness that reared its head at the beginning of last year and held on the whole year long.  Don’t get me wrong – there was wonderment in 2011… I actually met one of my art sheroes, returned to SAW for the 3rd time, and made a TON of amazing connections with some really amazing people.  But, I’ll admit I sometimes struggle to let the good outweigh the not-so-good.  So I’ve decided, rather than try to sort it all out and put on a happy face, I’m just going to move forward.  Shake off what felt bad about the last year, quietly treasure what felt good, and move toward the light of the new year.

2012 is shaping up to be a momentous year – I registered an Etsy store last week (!!) – more details soon, I have a long mental list of projects to work, classes to take, friendships to kindle, health practices to cultivate.  Plus the stars seem to be aligning for something good this year (check out Free Will Astrology to find out what my favorite astrologer is predicting for YOU) – Brezny’s reading for my first week (I’m a Cancer) was along the lines of “quit sitting on your fears and GO FOR IT!”  There’s also the whole Mayan calendar thing cooking for 2012.  Some are predicting end times, but I just don’t buy that.  I do believe we are entering a new phase of existence and I like to think it will be an improvement over the power-hungry, self-centered nature of the past.  I think we’re entering a kinder, gentler time and I’m most definitely ready for that.

So here’s to 2012 – may it be a year of kindness, may it bring freedom and renewed energy, and may it open the door for compassion, self-realization and dreams-come-true.

Retirement Practice – Day 2

I’ve been looking around the past few weeks for a calendar or planner of some kind, but everything I pick up seems to fall short.  I want to track birthdays and appointments and such, but I also want to keep track of ideas and wishes and goals.  The standard “month-at-a-glance” just isn’t gonna do it… so I decided to make my own.

The book itself is one of the books I made from Mary Ann Moss’s Full Tilt Boogie class and I’d planned on using it as a regular journal, but then this calendar idea took me and I realized it’s about the right size (5.5″ x 8.5″) to carry easily or even stuff in my bag, so off I went.

Rather than set up all the pages, I’m just going to set it up as I need it, so the front cover has an envelope to store my monthly calendars in, then I’ll pull those out as I need them.  For now, I’ve just noted important dates (such as Jan 7 – FIRST DAY OF FREEDOM!!!).  On the right-hand side, I’ve included my plan for the book…

• A month-at-a-glance calendar for each month, with appointments, important dates to remember, and a list of loose goals for the month
• A monthly idea list, where I can record all those things I want to create when I have time (I will finally have time!)
• A monthly wish list, where I can make note of things I’m wishing for; things that seem a little unattainable for whatever reason; things I will do my best to make happen before the month is out!
• Weekly “to do” lists, with coding for importance:  Should do = @; Want to do = ; Must do = !; and Can wait til tomorrow = ->

And, at the back, the BIG STUFF…

• A “Big Wishes” list for the bucket kinds of things that seem like a stretch.
• A road map with my big goals for the year and all the baby steps I’ll need to plan for along the way (in the form of monthly goals).
• Space for the big discoveries – quotes, self-realizations, life changes…

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time with my grandmother and she always had a clipboard on the counter with lists of what she needed to accomplish for the week – my list pages will be simple like that, just bulleted lists of what’s in my head for the week, with the coding above to help guide my actions and keep me focused.  I’m starting with December 2011 – even though I’m calling it my 2012 calendar, I’m feeling like the new year is starting now as I walk through these final, dwindling days of “Employment” – here’s what the first set of monthly pages looks like…

I’ll be honest, I don’t always do well with planners – I like the starting up of them, but the keeping up with them usually doesn’t last beyond March or so.  We’ll see about this one – it feels like something I can embrace and I think I’ve left myself with enough flexibility that it can evolve into whatever I need as time goes by.

I’m curious – do you use a planner?  If so, what would your ideal planner look like and hold within its covers?

A Beauty-Ful Life

Artwork by Eileen Sullivan

This month, my art group hosted a local artist named Jarrod Smith and I was truly enchanted.  Two things rang out most especially… the passion he has for what he does and the way the universe seems to have aligned to make it possible for him to follow his path. Jarrod grew up in a small Oklahoma town with practical parents who dreamed of a more pragmatic path for him.  The universe seems to have had other ideas and presented him with mentors and teachers who encouraged his creative instincts and taught him to push boundaries. At 26, he has his own gallery space, which he shares with several other Oklahoma artists and his goal is to make art available to everyone. He’s helping to turn a formerly “scary” area of our city into something new and exciting – a true community of creatives who just might turn our city on its ear!!

I’m sad to say that not everyone in our group was as excited as I was about what Jarrod has to offer. Fear may be at the root of some of it, along with some doubt that he could teach us anything new.  After worrying the whole discussion at some length, here is what I’ve concluded… if I ever reach the point where I’ve learned everything there is to know about art (or any other subject, for that matter), I hope I’ll have the grace to move out of the way of others who are eager to continue learning.

I personally don’t think anyone can ever know all there is to know about art – every art teacher I know will tell you they learn as much from their students as the students learn from them. That tells me even the experts, the teachers, still have more to learn. For me, art is about testing limits, staring fears in the face and moving forward to discover something new… about myself, about the world, and about how to navigate life. I want to be the person (and mostly I think I AM this person) who never backs away from an opportunity to learn – even when I think I already know everything there is to know about a subject.

This learning, growing, stretching, evolving – that’s what makes a beauty-ful life and that’s the life I want.

Opening the Possibility Gates

After temps in the 100s for most of the summer, you can imagine my delight when Sunday dawned a cool 80 degrees.  I went to early yoga, visited the nature park and threw open every window in the house!  A dramatic temperature change like that  always seems to open my possibility gates and this one has had me dreaming about…

• setting aside more time for antique shopping – old books and photo albums for Full Tilt Boogie journals, antique dinnerware, faded photos and paper goods, whatever else strikes my fancy
• turning that empty lot near my home into a community garden like Sweet Juniper did last spring
• or, knowing nothing (at all) about gardening, maybe visiting the Pie Ranch
• rescuing an old children’s table from a neighbors “big trash” pile to do something artsy with
• lightening my camera load so I’ll be inclined to take more photos
• and being HERE this time next week

Somehow dreams become easier to embrace when the grace of Fall opens my heart and mind.  This moment, with a cool breeze and cricket song drifting in my open window, I feel like I have everything I need, know everything I need to know.

What’s behind your possibility gate this evening?

This Very Moment

Can Monday night be yoga night too? Dare I grant myself that luxury?

I went to another new (to me) yoga class tonight – this one completely about rest and recovery, geared toward (among other things) auto immune dis-eases.

Now I’m sitting in a cafe sipping latte instead of going on to more traditional exercise as I’d originally planned. The sun is warm on my back, the music soft and gently rocking, and my body feels like it has rested for days – like the end of a long vacation.

On the way from there to here, I considered feeling a little guilty about skipping the exercise portion of my plans, but then I remembered… the best-laid plans are sometimes those we set aside for the moment at hand… this VERY moment in fact.

Opening Doors

I’ve been flirting with the idea of retiring in January 2012, but have had a LOT of fears haunting me… what will I do to supplement the small pension I’m going to receive, how will I pay for health insurance, what if this and what if that and what if the other. It was to the point that I think the slightest hint of a naysayer would have totally been able to talk me out of it.

Then, this past week, I took the “big girl” step of sitting down with a financial adviser.  Ummm, why didn’t I do that a year ago?!  He was able to set aside many of my worries and reassure me that Hubby and I have actually done a pretty good job of preparing for this day (who knew?!).

I sort of felt this door open that I hadn’t allowed to open before – a door that’s labeled, “this way to the rest of your life.”