One Chapter Ends – Another Begins

When I started Dragonfly Reflections in 2007, it was at least partly about having a place to park my name when I commented on other blogs.  Over time, it became so much more than that – a place to share my experiences, my dreams, my mistakes… all in all, it became the place where I parked my heart.

A LOT has changed since those early days… back in 2007, I was a yoga nut – practicing daily, working on a teaching certification, planning the rest of my life with yoga at its center.  I was fully ensconced in corporate America – still somewhat career-minded, with retirement as a distant dream.  I was also a fairly new empty nester – feeling my way through the world as an individual vs. somebody’s mom.

Today, I’m working to approach my life from a more balanced perspective.  I’ve rounded out my original single-minded yoga focus with art, walking, good food and stress-reduction practices.  I’ve left corporate America behind and am working to excavate the skills and experience I gathered throughout my 30-year career and adapt them to a new path.  And, I’ve come to terms with the empty nest – have come to love it, in fact, as an opportunity to sink into myself and grow in ways I never imagined when I was busy raising my daughter.

Blogs and bloggers are a diverse lot – I see many people who’ve kept the same blog for years on end and I see others who change to new blogs with some regularity.  Some people, like me, have blogs that represent their lives in general; while others pick a particular topic and focus on that alone – maybe even maintaining multiple blogs to represent their ranging interests.  One thing I know is that I am not someone who can maintain multiple blogs.  For one thing, I tend to be a woman of few words (any of you who know me will probably chuckle a little at that understatement) and I worry about having enough content for multiple blogs.  For another thing, I don’t believe I could successfully divide myself between multiple blogs.  I don’t fault anyone who does, but it feels a little like child rearing to me – I’m not sure I would have been good at spreading my affections across multiple children and I’m not sure I could spread my attention across multiple blogs either.

Soooooo, after much pondering and waffling, I’ve decided to close the chapter on Dragonfly Reflections and open a new blog, onejanuaryday.com, and you’ll notice I’ve even taken the HUGE (for me) step of registering a domain!!

Dragonfly came from a place of deep transformation at a time when I was working hard to juggle the me I wanted to be with the me I had to be to fit the world I lived in at the time.  Because dragonflies are such transformational creatures, it seemed especially fitting to hang my virtual placard from their tails.  Today, I find myself less in a state of transformation and more in a place of beginning anew.  While I’m sure new transformations await, I feel less like changing and more like settling in… to who I am and who I’m meant to be.   JanuaryDay will give me a chance to reorient and also to gather my eggs in the same basket; sort of a branding thing that I feel I need to do with the new etsy shop and other dreams I’m chasing down this twisty turny new path.

The Dragonfly archives will remain here, just in case anybody (besides me) is interested in where it came from and how it evolved, and JanuaryDay will start fresh.  It will still be largely a personal blog, as Dragonfly has been, but I’ll probably talk a little about what I’m making and selling too – although, I promise to balance the two topics and not bore you too much with the marketing hoo-ha.

I thank you so very much for your dedication to me and Dragonfly over the last five years – it has truly meant the world to me!  As the Dragonfly chapter of my life concludes, here’s to a bright future for One January Day – I hope you’ll join me.

blessings,
Kelley

Precipice

Did you have a good holiday?  We sure did – family and presents and roast beast and even warmish weather; not that I mind a little cold and snow, but the warmishness made it easier for my out-of-town family.  This year everyone came to my house (in two separate batches – one last week and the rest Christmas day) – so some stress was felt, but it was nice to not have to drive anyplace.

I’m working on fresh starts over here – thinking about a teensy revamp for good ole dragonfly.  I’ve neglected her horrifically this year and really want to renew my devotion here.  One thing I think blogging does for me more than anything else is help me to be more aware of the moments in my life.  I’m also thinking 2012 will be the year to cultivate compassion.  We’ve struggled this year with some aging issues – dementia is not a pretty thing and it’s making me realize (more than ever) a need to honor the goodness in my life and focus less on the not-so-goodness.

I feel like I’m on a precipice right now – on the edge of leaving corporate america, with its inherent safety and security; and peering over the edge at a new life that includes a whole nuther set of stuff!  It’s funny – I thought retirement would set me free and I still think it will in many ways, but I’m seeing that it also opens the door for other traps to creep in.   People talk sometimes about not doing things out of obligation, but I’m finding the aging landscape to be a whole other ballgame – how can you say “no” when there is nobody else?  My “ought to / have to” demon is raging right now and I’m just trying to remember to be compassionate – not just with those who need me, but also with myself.

Setting Wheels in Motion

Me, dressed as Alice in Wonderland, getting a pep talk before kicking off an office Halloween party - Oct 1985

I’ve talked a lot on dragonfly about my someday dream of retiring.  I’ll admit, I’ve had stars in my eyes about it (just a bit), imagining all the time it might afford me to do what I really want to do with my life.  My pragmatic side is quick to remind me that time is relative, but… I’m taking the plunge anyway and it is now official!  My last day in Corporate America will be Friday, January 6, 2012!!!

Amazingly enough, my fears are pretty small compared to the dreams that are starting to percolate.  I have lists for the lists I’m keeping about all the things I’ll do once I’m finally free… I also can’t help but think of all the things I will avoid EVER doing again – here is the short list…

  • Schedule back-to-back conference calls
  • Multitask
  • Track action items
  • Write SMART goals
  • Mediate arguments
  • Bow to office politics
  • Sit quietly while the office bully yells at me
  • Count down the days until my next big dream becomes possible
  • Accept that I’m not good enough to do what I really want to do
  • Base my self-esteem in my job title or the number of digits in my salary

In honor of finally setting the retirement wheels in motion, I want to share a couple of gifts that are really lighting me up right now…

  1. My all-time FAVORITE Oklahoma folk artist is giving away her entire music catalog (today only) in honor of “Do Something Nice Day” – http://kcclifford.com/store
  2. I’ve been listening in on the World’s Biggest Summit and oh my gosh is it ever amazing!!!  Goddess Leonie Dawson has gathered some of the most heart-centered, beautiful souls I’ve ever encountered and I can’t believe all the goodness is completely FREE.  I promise you – you will be glad you checked this out!!
  3. And, speaking of heart, here’s a link to the prettiest online eye-candy I’ve seen in awhile… Heart Home magazine (out of the UK).

So for the next three months, I’m  going to try really hard not to wish my days away and focus on living each one more fully.  I’m sure I’ll backslide, but right now I’m feeling this tiny bubble of shininess and freedom … and, boy, does it ever feel good!!

A Beauty-Ful Life

Artwork by Eileen Sullivan

This month, my art group hosted a local artist named Jarrod Smith and I was truly enchanted.  Two things rang out most especially… the passion he has for what he does and the way the universe seems to have aligned to make it possible for him to follow his path. Jarrod grew up in a small Oklahoma town with practical parents who dreamed of a more pragmatic path for him.  The universe seems to have had other ideas and presented him with mentors and teachers who encouraged his creative instincts and taught him to push boundaries. At 26, he has his own gallery space, which he shares with several other Oklahoma artists and his goal is to make art available to everyone. He’s helping to turn a formerly “scary” area of our city into something new and exciting – a true community of creatives who just might turn our city on its ear!!

I’m sad to say that not everyone in our group was as excited as I was about what Jarrod has to offer. Fear may be at the root of some of it, along with some doubt that he could teach us anything new.  After worrying the whole discussion at some length, here is what I’ve concluded… if I ever reach the point where I’ve learned everything there is to know about art (or any other subject, for that matter), I hope I’ll have the grace to move out of the way of others who are eager to continue learning.

I personally don’t think anyone can ever know all there is to know about art – every art teacher I know will tell you they learn as much from their students as the students learn from them. That tells me even the experts, the teachers, still have more to learn. For me, art is about testing limits, staring fears in the face and moving forward to discover something new… about myself, about the world, and about how to navigate life. I want to be the person (and mostly I think I AM this person) who never backs away from an opportunity to learn – even when I think I already know everything there is to know about a subject.

This learning, growing, stretching, evolving – that’s what makes a beauty-ful life and that’s the life I want.

Summer Rain and Stuff

Woke this morning to the sound of thunder and wind, which inspired me to hit the snooze button at least twice.  There is just nothing like a rainy morning to make me want to stay in bed.  The best part is later – when the sun finally peeks out and everything is washed clean and shining.  It’s days like this that remind me how much I love summer (course I’ll forget again tomorrow when the temps pass 100 :D )!!

I just finished the loveliest book – The Peach Keeper by Sarah Addison Allen.  Have you read her?  Her books are always about self-discovery with a little magic on the side and I can’t get enough of that.  Finishing a book like this always makes me wistful, wishing I could start over at the beginning without the knowledge of how lovely it ends so I can enjoy it more slowly and carefully the second time around (though, knowing me, I’d just devour it all over again).

My b-day is around the corner (July 2).  I’ve found myself saying I’d prefer to skip it this year (and all the rest of the years too, thank-you-very-much), but it’s not really true.  I love birthdays.  Love being with my family and feeling treasured; preferring the “presence” of those I love over any sort of material “presents.”  I think it’s just the getting (feeling) older part that’s inspiring my skip-it thoughts.  On my way back from Canada last month, my knee fell out from under me – there one moment and sort of just gone the next; it still feels wobbly (though it does not hurt).  Ever since, I keep noticing all the agey-type things that are happening to me… graying hair, extra weeks (months) between feminine cycles, and a seemingly sudden increase in being called Ma’am (vs. Miss) – though maybe that last bit has been there all along and I’m just now noticing?

I’ve been making things like a woman with a mission!  And I’m loving every item, but I’m starting to wonder what to do with it all.  My family’s walls are going to fall down one of these days from the weight of all the things I’ve made them over the years, but the whole “selling” thing is weird right now too – there aren’t enough hours in the day to do all I want to do, much less try to create any sort of quantity of things to sell.  Another thing to add to my list of miracles that will be possible “after I retire next year” – it’s getting to be a looooooong list.

This ramble has gone on a bit longer than I expected, but want to share one last thing.  Have you noticed these little squares on things lately?…

If you have a smart phone, look for a free app called AT&T Code Scanner – it’s just about the coolest thing since sliced bread, let me tell you!!  All you do is open the scanner app, show it the funny little box and it will take you to extra media.  I saw this the first time last weekend on the new Smash Book I could not resist bringing home with me and sweet Maura gave me the code scanner scoop – in fact, if you get that app and show it the funny little box in the photo above, it will take you to an awesome little Smash Book video (also a very cool and wonderful thing that I will share when I’ve filled mine up a bit more).  In case you don’t have a smart phone (or the inclination to go hunt down another app), click here to watch the awesome little Smash Book video.

Jurrasic Thinking

For Mother’s Day, Hubby sweetly suggested I order myself an iPad.  I have to tell you I had vowed I would never be an iPad user when they first came out.  I had my iPhone, after all; the iPad was just bigger and I didn’t think I needed bigger.  As my eyes have begun to demand NEARNESS more and more, the idea has grown on me.

The iPad’s wonders have NOT disappointed – I adore it (even more than my iPhone), but not long after it joined my happy technology home, I started to feel a teensy bit overwhelmed.  With two computers in my home office (work laptop plus a personal desktop), a laptop in my art studio, my iPhone AND an iPad, I started to feel like I was meeting myself coming back… didn’t I already read that email?  where on earth did that photo/file/blog draft end up?! and so forth.  So I decided to downsize to just the work and art studio laptops and the Apple devices.  It’s possible I was a little hasty.

While I still LOVE my iPad, there are some problems I can’t seem to solve – like how to get photos from my external hard drive into a blog post (because I just can’t blog without photos), how to print off or Pin little tidbits I want to remember later, and (sadly) I missed the entire debate between Apple and Flash – never the two shall meet it appears.  I still love the iPad and carry it with me everywhere – but it is not yet the PC replacement I’d hoped for.

I have a confession to make – my blogging has sometimes occurred during slow times at work.  Even though I work from home, I’m careful to stay out of the art studio when I’m on the clock (too much temptation), so you can probably anticipate my dilemma.  With my Apple troubles, I’m finding myself treating blogging as an “oughta” in my life, which I don’t like one bit because blogging has so often been my “lifeline” over the last five years.

All this is just to say, I’m trying to figure out a solution.  I’ve debated giving up blogging, but I truly enjoy it and it doesn’t seem fair to give it up because I can’t quite pigeon-hole it into my life.  Plus, I’m still planning that retirement at the beginning of next year and it’s definitely on my list of “things to do when I have more free time.”

It’s funny how our lives evolve – a few years ago, I was practically storing a sleeping bag at my yoga studio (I was there A LOT), now I haven’t been on a mat in over a year (another “oughta”).  There was a time when getting older wasn’t something I even thought about – now I think about it every day.  Heck, there was a time when my “quirky” mother-in-law could say something mean and I’d take offense – now I can somehow find the compassion to forgive (though that might be different if I, like Hubby, were on her speed dial).  Technology is a wonderful thing and a terrible thing all at once.  We can connect to the world – and we can’t get away from it.

You might be wondering what all this has to do with the dinosaur photos… Meg and I visited the Sam Noble Museum of Natural History last weekend and these photos of Saurophaganax maximus seems to illustrate where my head is in a strange sort of way.  This guy was fierce – a predator who wasn’t the least bit afraid to take on dinos almost twice his size!  I have all these “issues” warring in my head – work stresses, the demands of aging family, the fears that go with giving up my security net when I retire next year… I’ve been watching a series of training videos at work this week and the common thread in all of them is “innovate or die” (not literally, but in a “there’s the door” sort of way) and it all has me feeling a little dinosaur-like.

I’ve always considered myself an innovator, but I look around me now at all the arguing I see in the world and I sort of just want to let other people deal with it.  I had a mentor once who would challenge me to think out of the box by considering what I’d want “if I were queen.”  Well… if I were queen, Apple and Adobe would play nice and fix the stupid Flash problem, aging services would have a means of dealing with particularly quirky family members, and health care would be free.

I’m not queen, but I’m not a dinosaur either – I’ll be 48 in a few days, but that’s the new 30 (or something like that) – right?

Transitions

20110519-022930.jpg

After 28+ hours of traveling to get home from PEI and a day to rest, we started the new carpet install today!! I’m feeling a little like I came back to the wrong house (that’s the room formerly known as my bedroom above).

Suffice to say, I haven’t been able to get near the computer or my art stuff so I can sort thru and start telling you about my most amazing trip. For now, let me just say that Sabrina is the sweetest, most nurturing, most creative soul I’ve met to date and spending time with her and the other lovely attendees and helpers felt like coming home… only not your normal home… more like grandma’s house, with eccentric collections and faded wallpaper and time-softened sheets and that special door-jam in the kitchen where everybody’s height has been marked for the last 50 years. And those discoveries came before we even started on the art!

It was magic and I can’t wait to tell you more.

Deconstructed

I’m feeling a little sentimental about my art studio today – remember this photo from shortly after we finished it (early 2010)?

Here it is today…

The missing pieces (counter, drawers, flat file) are piled strategically around the perimeter of the carpeted areas – sorta like this…

and this…

But, I’m mostly caught up on all my projects and I leave for Canada on Thursday, so I think I can keep my zen attitude about it.  I have to tell you, though, it sure makes me wonder if I need to scale down a little!!

Wishing and Dreaming and Stuff

I’ve been Wishing Big at ecamp this week and am just sort of speechless with the grace of it all.  I was desperate for a reboot and a fresh start and I didn’t really even know it!  Along the way, I’ve stumbled across a few things I think you should check out…

  • Jen Lee’s Finding Your Voice multimedia course
  • Goddess Leonie’s 2011 Goddess Guidebook (even tho it’s almost April, there’s GOODNESS here)
  • Plus I got a taste of Leonie’s new Business Goddess course at ecamp today and it was FANTASTIC – if you’re thinking of going into e-business, check this out (to be released soon).
  • and Jamie Ridler’s Sparkles course (which I’m not in yet – but got a taste of Jamie’s teachings in ecamp and will definitely be signing up for this just as SOON as ecamp is over)

My well has been a teensy bit dry lately (you might have noticed the extreme lack of posting around here).  Part of it is that my house is an absolute WRECK -  but the mess is the result of Hubby’s efforts to “eradicate the remaining gray tile,” which is one of the goals from my life list, which makes me beyond happy, but also makes me want to flee my house (and its covering of dust)!

So, I may be scarce for a few more days.  But I’m feeling the beginnings of spring rebirth, feeling replenished and ready to start anew, and I promise to be back soon.

Mr. Tucker-man stopped eating a few days ago.  The most I’ve been able to get into him is a few bites of tuna and he won’t go anywhere NEAR the cat carrier without inflicting bodily harm (and I’m not even exaggerating here).

I’ve carefully cleaned the bowls, the mats, even the container where I keep the food.  I’ve tried various kinds of both dried and canned foods and he just sniffs longingly, then turns away.  I even made a vet appointment for today, but had to cancel because of the whole ix-nay on the arrier-cay.   I’m at my wits end and what I’m reading on the internet is terrifying at this point… to say the least.

If anybody has any advice on something such as this, I’d be very grateful.  He may be a bit of a stink sometimes, but he owns a piece of my heart.

*Update:  Hubby got the little monster into his crate and we got him to the vet.  After much hysteria and a liberal application of happy gas, the doc found nothing wrong.  Tuck promptly came home and shared some of Hubby’s roast beef sandwich, then went and snacked on the food in his bowl.  Did I mention he is sometimes a bit of a stink?  Doc took blood, so we’ll find out for sure tomorrow, but right now appears it was all an expression of his sometimes-stinky temperament.

Thanks LOADS for the advice Kate and Kim – the moral support means the world to me!!

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